Below, you will find a few favorites, that I’ve written.
Would you like to know why she has such a hard time opening up to people?
Do you care to know why trusting others with her innermost thoughts is one of her biggest fears?
Have you ever wondered why the word "vulnerability" makes her shudder with terror, causing her to reminisce on occasions when her vulnerability simultaneously led to
She's stumbled upon the realization that people do not actually want to get to know HER.
They prod and pick at her outer shell, trying their best to figure out what makes her move & operate the way in which she does.
They ask a medley of questions about why she wears what she wears & what inspires
her ever-changing hair.
Their eyes sparkle as they stare and touch the body art that envelops her canvas.
Yet, once they've received all of the answers they desired…they're gone just as fast as they came.
As soon as she lets them in, they find a trap door that allows them an easy way out.
They inquire about what goes on in her head.
They want to know what she's thinking, but don't care to know why.
They want the spark-notes version of her deepest dreams & wildest imaginations.
They could care less about the details, after all, they never planned on reading until the last page to begin with.
And just as soon as she begins to apprehensively unveil her thoughts, they unlatch their safety belts & hop on to the next ride.
Sometimes that's what she feels like she is, an amusement park attraction.
Sometimes she feels as though that's all that she is…that THAT is all she will ever be.
A mere source of amusement and intrigue for those curious enough to pay their small entry fee to come and take a peak.
She's that cool gizmo that you admire from afar.
Some are brave enough to rip it apart, examining its parts to uncover how it works, but as soon as they've completed that seemingly impossible task, they leave it.
...lying there on the floor, ripped apart.
Wires, gears, and other pieces of assembly carelessly sprawled across the floor.
They're pleased with themselves.
Pleased that they completed a task that so many others desperately failed at.
Meanwhile, she's in pieces, and all they can talk about is their new accomplishment.
In order for them to succeed, she had to succumb to yet another failure.
Another broken promise.
Another person who promised to be different from the rest, only to be worse than all of the other previous offenders.
Think about it, no one really cares about the Rubik's cube itself, they are solely concerned with solving its mysterious puzzle.
They'll entertain it for however long it takes, and as soon as they've mastered it, they pass it on to someone else, bragging about how they figured it out in "X" amount of time.
What a lovely species she is.
As colorful and puzzling as that Rubik's cube; yet, no one has stayed long enough to realize what else she has to offer.
I used to adore you.
Scratch that...I used to worship you.
& now I see that that was my first mistake.
You see, no man could've ever lived up to the expectations I had for you.
Failure was your only option.
I viewed you as a God in my universe, but in reality, you're just a man.
A flawed man, with a knack for making
I built this pedestal for you, and carefully placed you on it.
& when it all came crashing down, I didn't understand why.
Now I know...
Humans can never accomplish the goals I created for you.
You cannot treat men like saints.
& I revered you more than you deserved..
You saw the challenge placed before you, and it terrified you.
So, you cowered at the idea of it all, instead of rising to the occasion.
I made you out to be this mystical being, but you're just a mortal.
You will take the crown as my biggest disappointment.
& that's not your fault..
How foolish of me to see you any other way..
To think you could be my own, personal heaven on earth,
when you're covered in lustful, selfish flesh..
Now, you only exist as a conflicting memory that taunts me day after day..
& after it is all said and done,
I've learned that devils don't want to be made into gods.
…because when given the option,
they'll choose wreaking havoc over
every single time.
I look at you & I see pain.
I see the flesh of a man, disguising a young boy fearful of love.
I know how much it took for you to take that risk.
& I also know how much more it took out of you when it all came crashing down.
The thing about destruction is that it
occurs so quickly.
One moment, everything is spotlessly in its proper place, glimmering in the warm sunlight.
The next, thick, dark smoke replaces the picture perfect image that once occupied that very space.
I wish I could say that I never saw it coming.
But maybe what I'll say instead is that I wish I
never saw it coming.
See the difference there?
I saw it.
I felt it.
I anticipated it.
The end of an era...our era.
I foreshadowed the domino effect of unfortunate events that ultimately transformed you back into this
scared little boy.
The ominous skies that hung over our heads were begging to be acknowledged.
They pleaded for our attention, our focus.
But all we were concerned with was seeing who could pretend they didn't care the most.
A battle between lovers to see who fought the least.
A crowning of the most apathetic victor.
How's that trophy holding up?
You put more effort into polishing & maintaining the beauty of that, than you did us.
Maybe that's what led me to that fateful blow...you giving more to your ego than to our relationship.
I had to win at something.
You'd already won the title of Most Careless Lover.
So I fought to be able to call myself the
Most Reckless Victim.
That's what I labeled myself as, the victim.
I received the short end of the stick & I was fed up with losing.
I'd already lost you, so...why not, right?
Why not finish the game with a play that
couldn't be beat.
A tactic that you never saw coming.
I had to cut you deep.
You had to bleed.
I was tired of being the only one who was
I did it.
I hurt you deeper and harder than anyone
else ever had.
I beat you.
I'm not sure if I fully understood the rules of the game.
I thought that me winning would just even the playing field.
I was only looking to tie the score.
Instead, I ended the game, indefinitely.
I caused a reaction that there was no coming back from.
I won...but I officially lost all chances of redemption with you, in the process.
I just wanted you to congratulate me.
I wanted you to tell me that you didn't know I had it in me.
That you were proud of me for stepping out of my comfort zone & doing the unthinkable...crushing you.
Only...love isn't really a game is it?
Relationships shouldn't have score sheets...
There are no tally marks.
No one to jump in & call flagrant fouls
Or unnecessary roughness.
There are just two people, who take a huge leap of faith and trust the other with their heart.
Somewhere along the way, we lost that.
We forgot that.
It wasn't until the smoke cleared, and I was able to sort through all the damage, that I realized...the only way I could've caused you the kind of pain that I caused was if you truly loved me.
I mean you have to really ADORE someone for them to have the ability to ruin you.
Man...you loved me.
More than you've ever loved anyone.
If only I'd known that before...
I would've never...well what good is it saying what I wouldn't have done now?
I've already done it.
You've already seen how ugly it can get.
How ugly I can get.
How hideous we are when we become more
concerned with winning...
More obsessed with vindication...
Than each other.